Reagan: eh u living in stone age issit
Reagan: there's always dvds
Reagan: have u heard of DVDS?
Tashny: what are these dvds?
Tashny: are they a kind of thosai?
Reagan: no not thosai
Reagan: it's a kind of instant noodle

Ms G: Robin, what's an anecdote?
Robin: It's, like, a big snake.
Ms G: Robin, that's an anaconda.

Robin: Stupid Indian.
Me: You're just jealous cos my mustache nicer than yours.
Robin: Caught me.

Andrea: What's the difference between a gatekeeper and a watchdog?
Me: Well, a gatekeeper keeps gates and a watchdog watches dogs.
Robin: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Robin&I: *knock on Ms G's door*
Ms G: *opens it* OH MY GOD WHAT DO YOU WANT?!??!

Robin: I was thinking -
Ms G: Did it hurt?
Me: HAHAHA BURN. *holds out a hand to high-five*
Ms G: *stares* Uh, yeah, no.

Me: *sees scratch on Ms G's arm* Ms G, are you feeling depressed?
Robin: No, she can't be. She's not wearing long sleeves.
Ms G: WHY do you guys retain the most RANDOM information?!

Thomas: *is cute*
Robin: *giggles* Thomas, Thomas. Tash, pat him on the head for me.

(Through SMS)
Me: I'm buying envelopes. What size ah? And when you coming in?
Robin: I'll text you when I'm at Uni.
(Later)
Robin: A4.
Me: *walks to Block A4, waits for ten minutes, calls Robin in a fit of pique* WHERE ARE YOU?
Robin: At Wendy's la. Doing assignment.
Me: Didn't you text me saying you're at A4?!
Robin: No! A4 envelope size!
Me: Oh.

Robin: We gotta print our cover pages and glue them to the envelope.
Me: *passes Robin and WJ envelopes with printed and glued cover pages* Done.
Robin: Good little servant la this one.

(Robin, WJ, Thomas & I parked in Bangsar. Some fucker has double-parked his Mercedes behind our car so we can't get out.)

Us: *slamming on the horn*
Thomas: OI. What if the car belongs to a parent and he's rushing his child to a clinic?!
Us: *pause*
Robin: FUCK THE CHILD. *slams on horn*

Thomas: Guys, if I were you, I would just wait.
Robin: Luckily, I am not you. *slams on horn*

THEN, AND THIS IS THE BEST BIT:

Chinese guy: *comes and gets into car to drive off*
Malay dude: *opens the Merc's passenger door LIKE IT'S HIS FUCKING CAR, leans in, yells at the guy and walks off*
Us: *sit and watch in awe*

Us: *wind down window to say thank you*
Malay dude: You gotta tell these people. If you don't they will do it again.
Robin: Thanks!
Malay dude: *leaves*
Robin: Of course la you can tell them, you Malay, don't need to be scared... we not Malay, we gotta be scared.

Me: *talking to Dr Vijaya* YOU'VE NEVER SEEN NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET? *turns to Robin* BRO. She's never seen Nightmare on Elm Street.
Robin: WHAT? HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE SEEN NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET.
Me: *continues talking to Dr Vijaya* YOU'VE NEVER SEEN CHUCKY?! *turns to Robin* Bro! She's never seen Chucky.
Robin: WHAT?! HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE SEEN CHUCKY?!?!

(In Subang Parade McD)
Baby: AAAAAAAAHJSADHJASDHJKASDHKJ!!!
MC: Hmph.
Me: Why, is the baby Malay?
MC: Of course. Chinese baby won't do that.
Robin: Of course not. The Chinese baby will be too busy making money.

Me: Hey, MC, was your first word 'pork' or 'money'?

Me: *using Google Maps* OH MY GOD. Mun Suet, I love Google. I was going to walk from Segambut KTM Station to Mont Kiara because it looked like a short distance on the map. Then I googled it and turns out it's a two hour walk.
Mun Suet: Well done. Lucky you checked.

Me: OHH fuck this shit, fuck that motherfucker.
Mun Suet: ...
Me: Mun Suet, don't fucking curse.

WJ: I have a story. *tells us this epic hilarious tale about a bunch of African dudes at the Melaka Night Zoo who a) used flash photography on the tiger and b) threw rocks at the lion*. And these guys were like "HAHAHA" after they threw rocks at the lion. Then they started SWINGING on the buggy. Now I know why some people refer to them as monkeys.
Robin: I feel bad for the lion. It must have been like *puts on Mufasa-type voice* 'I flew five thousand miles and you guys are still here?!'

Me: *telling above story to R*
R: *tells me another story* ...and then this stupid woman -
Me: OI!
R: OH WHAT. You can tell your racist Chinaman or African jokes and it's all 'hahaha', but if I want to be SEXIST suddenly it's bad? FUCK YOU.

Me: The new Ms World not that hot. Ms Gibraltar.
R: Gibraltar? Where's that?
Me: I dunno.
R: What does she look like?
Me: Sorta Polynesian.
R: I mean, describe someone with similar looks.
Me: Lilo from Lilo & Stitch.
R: MA CHEEBAI.

R: Hey, what's that? I think I just saw a squirrel. Can a flying squirrel glide that far?
Me: Where? Over the road? Bullshit la, must've been a bird.
R: It didn't look like a bird.
Me: Maybe it was a bat.
R: *shoots me a look*
Me: Oh God. You're giving me that I-can't-believe-she's-this-stupid look.

Diana: I was in the lift at Ridzuan and this black guy tried to pick me up.
Robin: Like, literally?

Robin&WJ: *making fun of how R's mom still puts on his socks*
Me: You're just jealous that R's mom loves him.
WJ: My mom loves me. Enough to let me grow up.
Robin: OH BURN.

Me: Where are we going?
WJ: Taipan.
(Later, in mall)
Me: Where are we?
Robin: Taipan la.
Me: Oh okay.
Robin: *rolls eyes, points at banner* Tash, what does that say.
Me: *superloudly* OH WE'RE IN SUBANG PARADE.

(Later still, while walking around)
MC: EH! We're in Subang Parade!
Robin: ...

Me: SHOTGUN!
Robin: Sorry Tash. Today my shotgun is compulsory. I have to indicate.
Me: Er...
WJ: *takes a turning*
Robin: *sticks arm out of car and waves it around*
Diana: OH MY GOD is your indicator broken? Please let me out of this car!

Robin: *helping me fill out my mom's grade sheet for her class*
Me: Read out the scores for Ugama. The Chinese and Indian kids won't have though.
Robin: Okay. 98, 97, 99, 93, 96, kaffir, kaffir, 99...

Us: *discussing Man vs Wild*
Robin: Once I saw an episode where they pit a chimpanzee against a Navy Seal to see who runs faster.
Me: Who won?
Robin: OBVIOUSLY the Seal. We're in some serious trouble if the Navy Seals can't outrun a fucking chimp.

For Zaki's birthday, I took him to watch New Moon. It only made sense because last year, I forced took him to watch Twilight! Poetic.

Zaki: Why are we in here?
Me: Because! Remember last year we watched Twilight on your birthday?
Zaki: I remember. But I don't remember why.

Jacob onscreen: *saying something about the vampire chick running to the Canadian border and asking why*
Zaki: For citizenship.

Jacob onscreen: *hands Bella a dreamcatcher*
Zaki: DUDE I thought that was an earring!

(Jacob turns up shirtless onscreen for the nth time)
Zaki: WHY CAN'T HE PUT ON A SHIRT?!?!

Bella: *dives off cliff*
Me: She should at least take it all off, right?
Zaki: I KNOW! IT'S NOT FAIR!

Jacob onscreen: *hits truck in a very manly manner to display his anger*
Me: Why do guys DO that?
Zaki: Because they think someone is watching.

Me: *makes joke*
Zaki: *smiles indulgently*
Me: *confused because he didn't laugh* You're not laughing.
Zaki: I didn't hear what you said.
Me: And yet you smiled indulgently. Well done. I can't wait for you to have kids.
Zaki: Yeah I know, it'll be so fricking easy!!

Jacob&Bella: *kiss*
Zaki: I bet Edward bursts in now.
Me: Yeah, or calls.
Phone: *rings*
Zaki: Bet that's Edward now.

Zaki: Why doesn't Bella just call him back on his cell phone instead of rushing off to Italy?
Me: No phone.
Zaki: What happened to his phone?!
Me: He smushed it.

After the movie, we drop by Robin's house to pick up a CD.

Me: It's Zaki's birthday! Last year I took him to Twilight, so this year we watched New Moon!
Zaki: *looks pitiful*
Robin: *looks at me, then at Zaki* Wow man! The treats just keep on coming!

Me: Can I cheat on you after we're married?
R: I'LL SUE YOU. I'LL SUE YOU FOR EVERY CENT YOU HAVE TO YOUR NAME. AND THEN I'LL SUE YOUR PARENTS. AND THEN I'LL SUE YOUR FRIENDS. UNTIL EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS MISERABLE AND POOR.

Me: *whining about my Chink neighbours throwing an Xmas party and singing offkey and drunkenly super-loudly*
Robin: Only that race has the money to celebrate other people's festivities.
Me: *whining about my Malay neighbours having a two-day prayer thingy because the son had his snipsnip*
Robin: 1Malaysia. You living the dream.

Me: Zaki, I gotta go Pyramid tomorrow. Covert ops. Wanna come?
Zaki: Covert ops does make it sound way cooler than it probably will be... But yeah, someone's gotta make sure you don't get run over.

That boy. I have long graduated from the days where he had to hold my hand as we crossed the road - or drag me across.

Me: *whining about the snipsnip prayer thing*
Zaki: Hey, back when my brother was circumcised, they gave him cash!
Me: Are you serious?
Zaki: That's how he got his PS2. I think it's a pretty good deal, a small piece of skin for a PS2.

Zaki: *sitting on the bus next to me, listening to my iPod, begins laughing hysterically at my music*
Me: ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?
Zaki: No, no! I'm laughing with you. Or, rather, laughing beside you.